Looking for deschooling examples that feel realistic for neurodivergent kids? This gentle guide walks you through what deschooling can look like day to day – including screens, rest, demand detox, and the slow return of curiosity.

If Deschooling Feels Messy, You’re Not Doing It Wrong

If you’re searching for deschooling examples, you’re probably in that wobbly in-between stage where you’ve taken school off the table (or you’re close)… and now you’re staring at your days thinking:

  • “Is this normal?”
  • “Should I be doing more?”
  • “What if I’m making this worse?”

Because deschooling rarely looks like “learning”. It often looks like screens, sleep, avoidance, boredom, mess, and big feelings.

This page is here to normalise that.

Quick Summary (so you can breathe):

  • Deschooling often starts with decompression, not productivity.
  • It can look like “nothing”, but recovery is usually happening underneath.
  • Curiosity often returns sideways (not as worksheets).
  • You don’t need to force learning back in. You’re watching for capacity.

For most neurodivergent kids, deschooling doesn’t start with learning. Instead, it starts with recovery.

Deschooling is a recovery phase, not a plan. If you want the full definition, plus signs your child might need it and how to think about readiness, start here: What is deschooling (and does my ND child need it)?

Deschooling Examples By Phase (What It Can Actually Look Like)

These phases overlap. They loop. They repeat. That’s normal.

Phase 1: decompression (it can look like “nothing”)

This is the stage that scares parents the most, because it looks like the opposite of progress.

Real deschooling examples here might include:

  • sleeping more, sleeping later, or sleeping at odd times
  • screens all day (comfort shows, gaming, YouTube)
  • saying “no” to almost everything
  • nesting, hiding, withdrawing, staying in their room
  • eating changes (safe foods, grazing, less appetite, more appetite)
  • emotional release (big feelings that show up after school stops)

This is what decompression looks like. It can feel like nothing is happening – but recovery is happening.

Phase 2: demand detox (especially for demand-avoidant kids)

Sometimes, after school pressure stops, a child’s tolerance for demands drops even further. That can be confusing. And it can be intense.

Deschooling examples in this phase can include:

  • reacting strongly to “should”, “time to”, “let’s”, “we need to”
  • refusing even fun things if they feel like a plan
  • pushing back, controlling, negotiating, spiralling at small requests
  • needing choice and autonomy to stay regulated

If your child has demand-avoidant traits, this phase often isn’t “defiance”. It’s threat response & control-seeking, because control can be regulating.

Phase 3: settling (capacity slowly returns)

This stage is usually subtle. It’s not a “switch”.

You might notice:

  • a little more connection (even if it’s brief)
  • less bracing against ordinary life
  • more tolerance for tiny rhythms (meals, showers, one outing)
  • fewer explosive stress responses after small requests
  • slightly steadier mood shifts

This isn’t “they’re fixed”. It’s more capacity.

Two children sit on a tiled floor building a marble run game with hexagonal pieces, ramps, and towers spread out between them. Instruction sheets and boxes are nearby as they work together on the STEM-style project. The image is an example of deschooling in a neurodivergent homeschooling environment.

Phase 4: curiosity returns (often sideways)

This is where parents finally breathe again… but it still might not look like school.

Real deschooling examples here can look like:

  • deep dives into one interest (for days or weeks)
  • building, tinkering, LEGO, making, designing, coding
  • drawing, writing, music, craft
  • documentaries, tutorials, research rabbit holes
  • asking questions again (even random ones)
  • “projects” that happen in bursts, not in neat lessons

Here’s the line I want you to hold onto:

If it’s chosen, it’s information. If it’s repeated, it’s learning.

A child rewatching the same video ten times isn’t “wasting time”. They might be learning through repetition because that’s how their brain feels safe exploring.

“But it’s all screens…” (a calm section for panic and guilt)

If your child wants screens constantly during deschooling, you’re not alone. Screens can give:

  • regulation
  • control
  • dopamine
  • predictability
  • low-risk social connection (for some kids)
  • a buffer from overwhelm

When stress is high, learning access can drop – especially for kids with executive function challenges.

Cartoon drawing of a gray bird with jagged feather details, a black beak, a blue eye, and two bold black stripes on its tail. This whimsical illustration appears on the Scratch programming platform, often used in neurodivergent homeschooling to teach creative coding.

What you can do without turning it into a battle

Instead of trying to “fix screens”, focus on safety and rhythm first:

  • keep the relationship safe (no shame, no lectures)
  • bring in basics gently (food, rest, movement, outside time)
  • add options, not punishments (“Want to watch in the lounge or your room?”)
  • follow the interest thread (“Show me what you’re building / watching / learning”)
  • co-watch sometimes (connection counts more than content)

The goal isn’t to eliminate screens. The goal is to notice whether your child’s overall stress is coming down over time.

“What am I meant to do all day?” (your role, without pressure)

You don’t need to become a teacher during deschooling. In this phase, “support” often looks like:

  • keeping the relationship safe
  • making the day predictable in small ways (food, rest, connection)
  • offering tiny invitations (not lessons)
  • noticing what restores your child (and protecting that)

If you want a fuller “what to do during deschooling” guide – with realistic deschooling examples – Deschooling Essentials (free) will walk you through the early weeks without adding pressure.

For now, here are a few low-pressure invitations that often land better than lessons:

Low-pressure invitations that often land better than lessons

These are small, boring, steady. That’s the point.

  • “Want to show me what you’re working on?”
  • “Do you want quiet, or music on?”
  • “Snack plate or cooked lunch?”
  • “Walk, backyard, or inside day?”
  • “Do you want help, or do you want space?”
  • “Want to sit near me while I do my thing?”

You’re not trying to create outputs. You’re rebuilding trust.

Signs deschooling is working (even if it still looks messy)

You might notice changes like these – often small and easy to miss at first:

  • more willingness to be near you (even without talking)
  • less bracing when the day starts
  • less panic around everyday transitions (meals, showers, leaving the house)
  • deeper rest (even if sleep is still odd)
  • more laughter or lightness (even briefly)
  • returning to old interests, or finding new ones
  • asking for help instead of exploding or shutting down (huge)
  • slightly more flexibility when something changes

Progress isn’t linear. But if the overall direction is “more capacity”, you’re not stuck.

A boy in black clothes and a cap walks through the Clog Barn’s replica Dutch village, surrounded by miniature buildings and manicured hedges. This kind of real-world exploration is a key aspect of deschooling, where learning happens through lived experiences outside the classroom.

When you might need extra support

This isn’t about judgement. It’s about not doing this alone if things feel unsafe or unbearable. Extra support can help if:

  • your child’s distress stays extremely high with no relief over time
  • shutdown is persistent with no windows of connection
  • safety is a concern (for them or for you)
  • you’re at breaking point as a parent

You’re allowed to get support. That doesn’t mean deschooling has failed.

A gentle next step (if you want one)

If you’re in the early phase and everything feels confusing, flat, or frightening, you don’t need more advice. You need something that steadies you.

If you want more deschooling examples (and reassurance about what’s normal), start here:

Download: Deschooling Essentials (free)
A simple mini guide that covers:

  • what’s normal in the early weeks
  • what to stop doing (so you don’t recreate school by accident)
  • signs of healing vs signs your child is still overloaded
  • how to build a low-demand rhythm that supports regulation

Optional support (no push): If you want more structure for you (without pressure for them), Your Deschooling Survival Guide can support you through the messy middle.

When your child is starting to settle and you’re wondering what comes next:
From Deschooling to Homeschooling: Gentle Transitions

Frequently asked questions

What are some real deschooling examples?
Common deschooling examples include extra sleep, heavy screen use, refusing demands, withdrawing to recover, and later returning to interests through projects, tutorials, building, and deep dives.

Is it normal to do “nothing” during deschooling?
Yes. Early deschooling often looks like “nothing” because recovery comes before curiosity. Quiet, flat days can be part of the nervous system settling.

Why do kids want so much screen time during deschooling?
Screens can support regulation, predictability, dopamine, and a sense of control – especially after long periods of stress.

How do I know if deschooling is working?
Look for small shifts in capacity: less fear, more flexibility, steadier moods, more connection, and curiosity beginning to return.

How long does deschooling take for neurodivergent kids?
There’s no set timeline. A better guide is capacity: less fear, more flexibility, more connection, and curiosity returning. If you want the full “signs you need more time vs signs you’re ready” breakdown, it’s here.

What if my child refuses everything – even fun activities?
That can happen during demand detox, especially for demand-avoidant kids. Keep things low-pressure, offer choices, and focus on safety and connection.

Does deschooling look different for autistic, ADHD, or demand-avoidant kids?
Often, yes. Many kids need more sensory safety, more rest, and less pressure. Demand-avoidant kids often need extra autonomy and fewer spoken demands.

When should we start gentle learning again?
When your child shows more capacity: curiosity returns, fear reduces, and tiny rhythms don’t trigger threat. The transition doesn’t need to be sudden.